Three things I learned about life
Three things I learned about life, as a single western woman living in the Middle East
In my mid 20’s I lived in Kuwait at the height of the US Military operations 2003-2009. It was an amazing opportunity for personal and professional expansion and opened my eyes to the world in ways that I had never contemplated. It was scary to venture off alone into the unknown, much less the epicenter of the beginning of a fifteen-year United States - Middle East conflict. Newly divorced and eager to have an adventure, I took the leap, accepting a contracting job with the US Army. My immediate thoughts about doing so were filled with prejudices and aversions to the stark differences of the culture. Never the less, many of my preconceived ideas were incorrect while others were confirmed. In my recently published book “Life In My Hands, Healing Myself; Healing Others” I provide much deeper details and anecdotes about my time living in Kuwait City, working for the military. For now, here are the three biggest life lessons I learned from living in the Middle East:
Growth resides just over the line of where your comfort zone ends and uncertainty and fear begins.
Don’t underestimate the growth received from jumping into something new, a little scary and even foreign. Being in a new country, especially one that is largely divergent from one’s familiar culture will create expansion by full immersion.
Living daily life and simple interactions such as eating the local food, talking with locals, driving, and seeing local entertainment can be expanding. Experiencing life by submerging into cultural fashions, customs, and exposure to the language while doing life at the rhythm of the locals is a priceless education.
Shops open and close at different times, traffic patterns follow the local customs, and as a result new personal rituals are created to in order to experience and take full advantage of what the city has to offer. I remember having to rearrange my activities when the month of Ramadan came around. As it turned out, fewer shops were open and the regular hustle and bustle of the city was reduced during the day and minimal staff available. This also forced me to stop and enjoy the downtime and take the month to live slower. Toward the end of the month I was invited to take part in a breaking fast feast and in some ways it reminded me of gathering with my own family for a holiday that was as familiar as Thanksgiving.
As it turned out, people were peacefully going through life; in most cases they were extremely hospitable to me as I queried and questioned them on the many notions and ideas I’d picked up prior to living there. Most of the ideas and fears I started out with were unrepresentative of my experience living in the Middle East. I would have never known that, had I not marshaled through the un-comfort, and dared to take on the adventure.
Exposure to new things forces us to move outside of our known truths, and comfort zones. Growth only happens when we have the courage to stand in the unknown zone for a while and figure out that we are okay even if we don’t understand the system or ways things happen, yet.
Practicing non-judgmental presents more opportunities to a richer life.
Learning to accept that there are differences in many cultures, and it isn’t good or bad, it just is. We aren’t meant to be all the same, but we are meant to be equal. Diversity is everywhere; it’s what makes the world a high definition color instead of black and white. I forced myself to be neutral as much as possible and withhold my interpretation of certain things (that interpretation was my biased framing to begin with). It helped me keep an open mind and have a wonderful experience. People are different than me, and it’s okay. It’s possible to coexist peacefully, respect local customs and still be who I am, without trying to force every one and everything to fit into my cultural framework. When we seek to fit everyone into our way of living and thinking, we are telling everyone that is different that we are right, and they are wrong, when in fact no one culture is no more right than another.
When I was able to observe my own judgments, I began to realize more times than not the root of my judgment was fear. It became easier to become less judgmental of the foreign world I lived in. From there I was able to make real connections with people much different upbringing and life experience than me.
Ultimately I discovered even with all the difference, we are all humans and want the experience of love, have desires, humor, anger, sadness and fears, regardless of what culture we are born into. Everyone is seeking these connections and love in their life. I learned to connect with people on that level and made amazing life long friendships with people from all over the planet. The connections we make with people are where the opportunities are to explore, collaborate and exponentially learn.
In the end all we really have are the connections we make with others.
Even the ones that left, and will never see again, and as a result of their leaving created heartbreak. We survive and learn to move on and how to appreciate the memories and continue to carry what we learn from them with us.
The money and most of the material things I collected from that time are long gone. What are left are my priceless friendships and memories that will be with me forever. The life changing relationships, (professional and personal) helped to develop my outlook on life. Helped me learn compassion and understanding, and see that goodness in humanity is alive and well, especially in the Middle East. The people I connected with in all the foreign countries where Ive lived have been my university; my priceless educational life experience.